It was bound to happen eventually. I’m not talking about damage to the home, or other disasters that strike when you’re renting property out.

No – I’m talking about the guests that will never be happy. You know the ones I’m talking about – they tour the property from the closets out checking for every possible flaw in the hopes exacting a discount from you.

Well homie don’t play that game, so naturally I received a horrible review. In anticipation of the nasty gram, I drafted a  response, which I’m sitting on until I feel okay with it. Your feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Here’s what happened:

Ms Drama Clean and guests called at 11:00 am from the home. In raised voices they described how they didn’t like the neighborhood, the home wasn’t clean, the sheets weren’t new, the art in the home was awful, the pool was dirty, the home needed painting, and there were cat litter boxes in the closet.

This of course was a big surprise to me since we had not approved an early checking-in.  I had been in the home with my housekeeper getting the home ready the day before, but the pool man had not arrived to clean the pool yet.

Without hesitation I immediately offered them a 100% refund. I pointed out that I really couldn’t control the entire neighborhood, and if the property wasn’t up to their expectations they could leave without penalty. Life’s too short to have unhappy guests, and I really wanted them to have a good experience. They declined. I hailed my housekeeper back to the property and told him to stay and clean everything until they were happy. My pool man arrived on schedule to clean the pool. And as for those cat litter boxes – it was actually a dog kennel that I leave in the home for guests with dogs (it’s clean).

That night at 11:00 pm I receive another call from Ms Drama Clean. Both shower doors fell off simultaneously and landed on my friend’s foot – it may broken! I further inquire as to the status of said friend’s foot and ask if they need any medical care. I offer to have 911 come out which they adamantly declined. I press this further because I’m really very concerned about anyone sustaining an injury in my home.  No – they reply – they can take care of the friend’s foot – they want to know when the “expletive” doors are going to be fixed.

So now I’m really on my guard. The next morning I grab two of my construction crew members and go over to the property to check out the shower doors, and I sat down with them to try to determine what I could reasonably do to make them happy. Again I offer them a refund and in additionly I offered to put them into a 4-star hotel.  Again, they decline stating that after the shower door event they should be entitled receive a discount. Ah ha - so all this drama is really just a shake-down albeit from a New Jersey cop no less.

Remarkably the shower doors were just fine, but I replaced them with a shower curtain to prevent any further possible injuries.

After several sleepless nights (on my part) they checked out - thank goodness. Ms Drama Clean and guests left the place really dirty. It looks like they had a big party there (which was the real reason why they didn’t leave). Two 90 gallon trash bins and a large recycling bin were stuffed full after just 3 days.

Here’s the weird thing. After this whole thing started my hubby did a quick check on Ms Drama Clean. He used to be an investigative reporter so not much gets by him. In real life Ms Drama Clean is a pet sitter, but apparently when on vacation her affection of all things DOG goes out the door!

So here’s the review:

The first reaction of the property by my guests and myself of disappointmnt. Though the house is spacious, the property is in desperate need of updating and cleaning. We had to purchase cleaning supplies the first day because the dust and grime was very visible. The neighborhood is an eye sore to say the least. Abondon garbaged lots is the first thing you see pulling on the street. Many houses appear run down. The property is more appropriate for college kids who want to party rather than professional adults that like quality. In the first night, the glass shower door in the lower bathroom fell of the hinges onto my guest's foot bruising her badly. The owner was more interested in us leaving so we she didn't have to hear or deal with our disappointment and complaints. There is a stain filled chair upon entering the property as well as dirt ridden couches in the living room. There is only one outdated tv in the living room and one in a guestroom. There are clothes in the closets from someone else, and used open outdated food from past guests in the fridge. The master bath has used razors and products. Completely unsanitary and disgusting. The walls are white and filthy. There are stains everywhere from walls to carpet. The light fixtures are also filthy. Maxine stated our standards are too high, though her description of the property and pictures express a totally different feel than reality. Also the neighbors across the street have at least 7 dogs that are not leashed and kept coming into our yard. Very displeased with the property and would not stay or recommend it to anyone.

Here’s our response:

We were very disappointed that the guests were unhappy with the house, location, and cleanliness, and immediately offered a complete refund. On the second day I went to the home and again offered a refund plus we even offered to relocate them to a 4-star hotel.  Again my offers were declined, however this time they “wanted a discount.”  After they left and we went into the home to clean, we found huge amounts of debris, typical of a large party.